Suspending the Blog for a Bit...

After quite a bit of thought, I've decided to suspend the blog for awhile. I'm not sure whether my decision will last a day or forever, but for now it seems to be for the best. Over the past 4 months (particularly the past 3 weeks), I have discovered what infertility REALLY means and feels like. For anyone who has been through it, God Bless You. (And I hope and pray that I never said anything insensitive to you!)

I have found this experience to be one of the loneliest times in my life. Adam has been my biggest supporter and best friend through the process (which isn't exactly a shocker), but unfortunately there haven't been too many others. Frankly, my best friend (who I really thought would be super-supportive during this time) seems to have withdrawn from me...which is pretty discouraging.

Not once in the past month has anyone asked how I felt in this process or how we were doing. Noone (outside of family) has called; or if they have called, our "fertility" issues were never mentioned. I suppose it's uncomfortable for folks and frankly something that most of my extended family, friends, and collegues can't really understand. Nor does anyone really want to hear about it...

Here are some things said by my patients, collegues, and random others that we don't want to hear....
1. Adopt a child and then you'll get pregnant.
2. Go on a good vacation and it'll happen... (Nope...did 9 days at Disney and 9 days in the Caribbean...didn't work!)
3. Relax and it'll happen. (Tried that too...doesn't fix our problem.)
4. I get pregnant just by looking at my husband/sharing soap/etc.
5. Complaints about your pregnancy or children...

We know our friends love us, but in this case it's from a distance. We start our shots on Sunday, assuming plans don't change. Unfortunately, because of cycle issues...they may. For those who do pray, please pray for us. For those who don't, please send up well wishes, positive vibes, or whatever it is that you do.

I'm so thankful for Adam and our famililes and would kill for friends who care. Unfortunately, I think we are on our own with this from here forward. I'll post again if it seems appropriate, otherwise consider the blog dead...again. Also, please don't comment or message me through Facebook as I'm not planning to spend any time there either over the next several weeks... Hearing pregnant people whine, mothers complain about their children, and others post about how special motherhood is just makes people like me want to vomit. I guess social media isn't always for the best... Til next time, if ever....
Cinda

Hilton Head Girls' Weekend Trip Report

Well, this weekend was our annual Girls' Weekend in Hilton Head. We've been doing this weekend almost every year (in some form) since 2006. It's a nice weekend for Mom, Leslee, and I to visit with our good friends. Over the last 2 years, many of my friends have "dropped out" for various reasons and this year was no exception. However, we always have 8 or 9 women and I must say that it makes for a nice sized group! Mom, Leslee, Ms. Elaine, and her daughter Alison and I are the "rocks" that can always be counted on. We always enjoy seeing each other, even if we were ever to be the only ones! The Schinco/Shaffers also come most years, but only for 1 night. This year, we added Carolyn Lokey...my nurse and best buddy here in Shelbyville. She fit in like a glove and I'm hoping she will be a "rock" for the future!

Over the weekend, we ate fabulous pizza and seafood. We walked on the beach,lounged by the pool ,and napped. And, we enjoyed several tropical libations! This year, we were blessed to be able to enjoy a 4 bedroom/3.5 bathroom home with a pool and hottub directly on the beach. It was fabulous (though a poor design if you wanted to live there)! The views were wonderful!

While there were no kayak misfortunes this year, we did have a few "incidents!" I managed to lock all 6 of us out of the house Friday morning (in our PJs). We were "stuck" on the 3rd floor balcony for about an hour! Then, Lauren arrived at the house on Saturday having forgot her swimsuit AND shoes! (She's 15....just didn't quite remember stupid shoes!) Miren arrived with a totally flat tire and managed to back into a live oak tree in the driveway! So....always something with our bunch!

Overall, the weekend was an opportunity for me to reflect on several things...

1. I have been really resentful of my friends who didn't come and have certainly questioned many of my friendships over the past several months. I also have learned that a few people (who are not the ones reading this) were NOT my friends, which was a hard reality.

2. However, I am really blessed by those who came! Mom, Leslee, Nana (Carolyn), Ms. Elaine, Alison, Miren, Khelsea, and Lauren ARE my friends who came and I couldn't have asked for a better bunch to spend the weekend with!

3. I realize that I have many friends who couldn't come....and they are still special to me! Life circumstances get in the way and priorities in life change. Therefore, whether they came or not, my friends are still my friends...period.

*******************************Most Important Revelation****************************

4. Overall, these weekends aren't about who didn't come or who dropped out. They are all about the ones of us who DO come and I wouldn't trade this year's group (or any of the past groups) for anything!

Thank you ladies who came this year! You made this year EXTRA special and because of that, I WILL find a way to do this again next year! I had a wonderful time and feel VERY refreshed, happy, thankful, and blessed to have enjoyed this with you and can't wait for next year!

Happy Mothers' Day (For Some...)

Well, another Mothers' day rolls around. We'll go to church this morning where all Mothers will be asked to stand and be recognized. And, I'll deliver cards to my Mom and some other special mothers in my life (sorry Leslee and Cindy....didn't get to buy and send them in time).

Unfortunately, I see this day through totally different eyes this year. While I'm grateful for my Mom, Grandmother, Mother-in-Law, and sister, I'm sad that it's a "club" that I can't be a part of. Reading the hundreds of Facebook comments this morning that imply that women who aren't mothers are somehow inferior just really iced the cake! Adam also informed me that if we'd started this 3 years ago, it might somehow be different. So....apparently this is all my fault!

Congratulations to those who are mothers! For those of us who aren't, please be a little sensitive. Not all women who fail to stand in church and be recognized are pleased to be sitting. There are thousands across the country who would give anything to stand, including me!

Happy Mothers' Day. Count your blessings!

Our first package!!!

Well...after a major issue with FedEx and a wrong address, we are the proud owners of a brown box from Walgreens Specialty Pharmacy full of all kinds of stuff! Somehow, our address was turned in as Stonegate Creek instead of Stonegate Circle! This meant that we had $200 in heat-sensitive materials "lost" on a stupid truck all afternoon. After several calls, our box was safely delivered!

Unfortunately, it is missing 3 items...one of which is critical to us starting our IVF cycle. Leupron, which is the injectable we are supposed to begin on May 29, is on national shortage. IF it is not available by then, we are screwed and can't do in vitro in June. That would be really devastating to us...

The bag is also missing 50 injections of Repronex and 1 injection of HCG. These two drugs couldn't come from Walgreens with our insurance, so they will be arriving on May 17 from CVS Caremark Pharmacy.

All in all, I count 4 injectables so far (Delestrogen, Progesterone, Leupron, and Repronex) for 2-3 weeks! Eek!!! 4 shots a day will be a bit frightening, but we'll do whatever we have to do I suppose.

I currently count 10 different other medications associated with the process! I'm pretty anxious to start this and am just praying really hard that this Leupron shortage issue gets resolved before May 28 (and would ask that you do the same)!

We Are Home!!!

Well, we just got home from a totally amazing trip last night! Adam, Ms. Lokey (who we call Nana), and I flew down to San Juan last Saturday. We spent one night in San Juan and then boarded the Carnival Victory for a 1 week Southern Caribbean cruise. Needless to say, it was a WONDERFUL vacation! I plan to put together a photo trip journal over the next week or so and will send it to anyone interested by email. Just leave me a comment...

Today was a real dose of reality. I was busy at Wound Care then got to the office where my desk was covered (and still is) with paperwork! Unfortunately, I couldn't finish it because I had to go to the ER for 2 consults (one of which was sewing up a big forehead laceration in a 16 month old little girl). I'm just getting home and am downloading some photos now.

On the "baby" side, I talked to Walgreens Specialty Pharmacy today and provided them with all of our insurance information. They will call us in the next day or two to arrange payment and our big box of injectables/meds should arrive in the next week or two! So....things are definitely moving forward!