Friday, October 28, 2011

Another Road Block...

This is the story of our lives! After lots of thought, Adam and I have decided to do more infertility treatments...and we are NOT travelling across the country to do them! Long-story-short...our odds of success out of town really were not likely to be that different. Knowing this (via second opinions), I just couldn't see spending many thousands of dollars to sit in a hotel room for 8-12 days per attempt getting shots and not being able to "do" anything except for think about what I was losing in practice revenue here in Shelbyville.

We are planning to change to a VERY different protocol next year, which requires a "trial run" of sorts. Since we already knew this was likely in our future, we were excited to start the trial today...even knowing that it involved daily hip injections of estrogen in castor oil! So, Adam and I made our super early pilgrimage to Nashville this morning for bloodwork, an ultrasound, and a talk with our doc. We had a couple of small cysts still hanging out on the left ovary (from the IVF/IUI cycle), but everything else looked good. Our doc explained his opinion of our last cycle and gave me a thorough explanation of why he made his decisions...somewhat defensively. (He knew I wasn't very happy with the last round...thanks to the office manager and nurse!) I was very satisfied with his explanations and told him that had this been explained to me 2 weeks ago...lots of issues could have been avoided! But, we left on good terms and great spirits...and he was more relaxed as well! Heck...if I hated him or really didn't trust him...I would NOT have been sitting in his office this morning!

I went to the office and worked most of the day. Around 3, the boulder blocked the road! Anita called to inform us that my estrogen level was 353 (which was down from the 1353 it was last Thursday). Unfortunately, it had to be less than 60 for us to start the trial-run. And just to refresh your memory...this is the same stupid number that was too low and caused us to not get to do our IVF cycle this month.'s like Goldilocks and the Three Bears...too low...too high...etc. The plan now is to start birth control pills (don't EVEN get me started on the irony of this) and complete a month of them. After that, we can have another set of bloodwork and another ultrasound in hopes of starting the trial again during the week of Thanksgiving.

So...there's your update! I'm not crushed. I'm actually very calm and can't help but find some humor in this! Heck...we can fail now before even starting! Plus, since the "real" cycle can't happen until next year anyway...we have a little time!

BTW If we ever get a baby (or more)...YES...I probably will be a neurotic nut! After this, how could I not be???

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Another Failure...

Kind of wish this is how it really worked sometimes!
I guess there's not much to say other than that we attempted another IVF cycle and it "officially" failed today. Technically, we never even made it to the egg retrieval this round and were more-or-less forced to "settle" for an IUI (intrauterine insemination). It was that or nothing... In the was nothing either way.
This cycle was physically and emotionally much harder for me. It started off so nicely, but when it went REALLY went south! The good news is that I have been so upset since October 4 (the day the cycle was cancelled) that the "official" failure today was nothing more than a formality.
If there's anything I learned from this cycle, it's that I CAN handle quite a bit more than I thought I could! I've also learned that we have exhausted the capabilities of our region and IF we are truly serious about having genetic children, then we are going to have to travel (and I'm talking more than to Nashville)! We are looking into two world-famous clinics in the western US and have one phone consultation scheduled for next Friday. If we have a good feeling, we will be travelling sometime likely early next year. If not, we'll look into other options.
We've had lots of support this round from our families and close friends, and for that...I am grateful. I'm not sure what our future holds...but I'm just praying there's a baby in it somewhere. Otherwise, I'll ultimately just have to accept the fact that it's not meant for us and be thrilled to have an amazing husband and loving family to share my life with!

Thursday, October 6, 2011

A Tiny Ray of Hope...

Today has been full of ups and downs. I woke up after a restless night at 5 am to get ready to head back to Nashville with Adam. After some tears in the shower and some on the road up, we made it to Nashville around 7:30am. Adam had to produce his specimen and then we were faced with about 80 minutes to kill. Because today was retrieval day, there were several women with their Moms and friends (likely egg donors) and several couples. It was kind of hard to watch them come and go, knowing that we were supposed to be in that group. Once Adam finished, we went over to Starbucks for breakfast. We "people-watched" for a bit, then it was back to the office by 9:20am for our 9:30 am time. I knew the retrievals were still going, based on waiting room I could tell that we would be waiting this time. (The one time we've ever waited more than 15 minutes was this one...which stunk.)

At about 10:15am, they finally took us back. After some vitals and consents, I was undressed and ready to go. Dr. V brought in the sperm analysis report and showed it to Adam. We were SHOCKED! The last spun sperm (after the lifeless ones were removed) count for Adam was 760,000 (normal is 60-100 million). This time, Adam's spun count was 6.64 million!!! That's WAYYYY more than he has ever had! And, anything over 5 million gives IUI a chance of success! The procedure went quickly and easily. Dr. V offered for Adam to "do the honors," but Adam politely refused. When I asked him why later, he said, "If it fails, I don't want to feel like I was the one who caused it." I certainly wouldn't have felt that way, but I could see his point. Once the procedure was done, I sat up thinking it was time to dress and head out. I was immediately guided back down by Dr. V and told I had to lay flat for 20 minutes. It was boring, to say the least! During the wait, we were given our next set of instructions for meds (more shots...yeah)and I responded to some texts. After the 20 minute timer went off, I dressed and we headed to the car to head home. Adam insisted that I lay back with my feet up, so as to enable his "swimmers" to get to their destination! He was over-the-moon about his "high" the point where I'm pretty sure there will soon be a framed copy placed somewhere within his "man-cave/office!"

I know better than to celebrate, but I at least don't feel like today was a total waste of time, gas, and especially my mental sanity. While our prayers never had anything to do with sperm counts and real possibilities, God knew what we really needed. And to those of you who have prayed for us.... THANK YOU! Your prayers were answered for us today! And really, today is all that matters right now.

We are truly blessed with wonderful families and friends! Thank you all!

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

If It Wasn't For Bad Luck...

I guess the old saying, "If it wasn't for bad luck, we'd have no luck at all," holds true to us again... Everything in this cycle seemed perfect, until Monday. On Monday, our labs took a big dive. While we hoped it was a "pharmacological" response to a decrease in the meds, I KNEW it was more. On Tuesday, our (ok...MY fears) were validated. Despite a HUGE dose of stimulation medications, our numbers barely rose and our follicles didn't grow. So, we were basically told that the odds of success were slim with IVF and that our cycle was being cancelled. Because we did have a few decent follicles, they offered us IUI (intrauterine insemination) as a "salvage" procedure.

Tomorrow morning, we will head to Nashville for the IUI. The odds of success are slim to none, but's this or nothing. Since I had already planned to be off, I am going to take the day tomorrow to relax and give this the best shot possible (all 1% of it).
Once this fails, we are going to take a break until next year... I can't speak for Adam, but I NEED a break. For the next 2 weeks, we'll continue with 3 injections per day (2 Lovenox and 1 Progesterone/Estrogen combo)...which means more bruising for me. I figure it's like a torture sentence...but know that IF a miracle occured and we did get pregnant, we'd lose the pregnancy without it.

So...once again...with very heavy hearts, it just wasn't meant to be. Maybe not ever...guess we'll just see what the future holds.