Monday, April 23, 2012

What Infertility Really Is, From the Trenches

Thanks to Moxie for allowing me to use this awesome poster!!!

Since National Infertility Awareness Week technically began yesterday, I figured I'd do 2 blog posts tonight.  While browsing the infertility forums today (of which I am a member), I noticed an interesting thread in the "Infertility Support" board.  The title of the thread was "Infertility Is..."  Many women wrote posts today listing some of the things that infertility "is" for them.  I could honestly relate to every single line, some more than others.  Here are some things written by our board ladies...

Infertility is:
-having an empty bedroom that serves no purpose. Who needs two guest bedrooms/offices?
-walking along a beach, looking back and knowing there will only ever be two sets of footprints.
-dreading shopping at a supermarket and finding yourself in the baby section because it has been moved around (or surrounded by pregnant women).
-wishing more than anything that you can have what other people take for granted and have so easily.
-not being able to go to your closest friend's baby shower.
-having to always explain why it's just the two of you.
-missing out on birthday parties, easter egg hunts, Christmas mornings.
-becoming angry, hurt, bitter, mad at the world (especially pregnant women and ignorant people).
-walking in to work at a hosptial and seeing that 14 yr old pregnant.
-wondering what did I ever do to have to go thru such a horrible thing.
-scared because I got a positive and thinking theres no way i got a positive, nothing ever goes our way.
-alienating friends and family who can't understand your desire to have a baby and why you just don't adopt.
-when your emotional, social, mental, religious, and medical worlds all colapse on top of one another every month.
-putting your life on hold month-after-month, day-after-day to no end.
-having a void in your heart that cannot be filled by anything but a child.
-having to patiently hold your tongue when your friend says something insensitive about your struggle.
-feeling like less of a woman.
-trying to convince your father that you are happy with just having a dog, because you don't want to really tell them how much time, pain, and shots you have put into this process.
-catching yourself from being jealous (and crying) just because 100 people on Facebook are announcing their pregnancy.
-watching the Disney cruise commercials and crying like a baby because nothing in the world would make you happier than taking a child on one.
-looking at photography websites and seeing pics of daddys and daughters and wanting so badly to be able to give that to your hubby.
-the cause of my greatest heartaches.
-seeking comfort from strangers because not a single one of your family or friends understands the pain.
-thinking you're going to jinx yourself pregnant by buying that mega box of tampons or that huge bottle of your favorite wine, both of which are gone the following month.
-the true meaning of "grin and bear it."

For me, it means:
-going to an older adult's birthday party, seeing their pride in their family, and knowing that Adam and I may never have our own children to be proud of.
-wondering who will help care for us when we are no longer able to care for ourselves?
-wondering who will reap the benefits of our hard work (and incomes) when we are gone?
-just hoping a happy (or maybe even just tolerable) end to all of this is in sight.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You know how much I love you, and my heart breaks for you repeatedly over this! I'm still praying and hoping for good results to come! I'm posting on my wall about the awareness week! Everyone should know more about the struggles of infertility!
Love ya, Teah