Friday, April 27, 2012
Final Thoughts on National Infertility Awareness Week
While National Infertility Awareness Week technically ends tomorrow, I've decided to make tonight my final post. Unlike the previous posts, this is my personal "take" on the journey Adam and I have taken these past 2 years. Being infertile has changed our lives, in positive and negative ways.
In the past 16 months, I've taken more medications (oral, injections, and others) than I ever have before. I've been through more invasive tests than ever before. I've been sedated and put to sleep more than ever before, and more than most will ever need. I have feared the unknown in our lives more than ever before. I had more sleepless nights in the past year than my previous 33 years combined. I've had more blood drawn than the 2+ gallons I have given since turning 18. I have been to the doctor's office more than ever before (often with minimal clothing). I have cried in front of my doctor and his nurse, for the first time in my life. I have learned that my body is seriously flawed from a physical standpoint. I have learned that some of my friends are not really friends. I have communicated with my husband more than ever before. I have cried more than ever before. I have failed in something critically important to me for the first time in my entire life, and I continue to fail at every step of the process. I have questioned my faith, the power (or lack thereof) of prayer, and God's will.
On a positive note (if you can call it that), I have tolerated more pain than I ever thought I could bear. I have learned how to give myself shots without freaking out! I have communicated with my physician and his staff more than ever before. I have expanded my knowledge base. I have met many wonderful ladies and a few good men in this process! I have been deeply humbled from my failures. I have learned just how special and wonderful children are, and what a blessing it is that most couples don't have to struggle for them. I have learned that I have a handful of friends who really do love me and care about me. I have learned how to communicate very effectively with Adam, to lean on him when I'm weak, and to love him more than ever. And, I have learned that God's will is not necessarily ours and that really, all I can do is pray that he brings us through this process with peace, humility, and grace.
My greatest 3 lessons in this process are:
1. My family is wonderful and loves Adam and I regardless of what happens with our infertility saga.
2. My faith in God is gradually growing stronger despite being seriously challenged this past year.
3. I truly have the most wonderful husband in the world and marrying Adam was the best life decision I've ever made!
I sincerely believe that Adam and I are approaching the end of our infertility road. We could be done as early as July, though won't make any final decisions until late in the fall. While we want a baby more than anything, we realize that it may not be God's plan for us. If we fail in June and don't ever have a child of our own, I still feel that we will have "conquered" our infertility. We have certainly given this our best shot and perhaps, this is one "failure" I'm just going to have to accept. For those struggling with infertility, my heart hurts for you...deeply. For those reading this who are not infertile, thank you for following our lives, for your comments/messages/texts/calls/and support, and for being willing to "learn" something in the process.
Thank you all for allowing us to share our lives with you!
Posted by Adam and Loucinda Sawinski at 8:21 PM