Infertility Myths

I figured this would be a good follow up to last night's post...infertility myths.  I have gathered these from articles, board posts, and personal experiences.  Here goes!

1. Adopt and You'll Get Pregnant:  Yeah...right.  Sure, this has happened at some point to someone.  BUT, do you actually know the "friend" who this happened to?  I surely don't.  Believe it or not, studies have actually been done on this.  Here's the real truth, only 5% of couples who adopt actually become pregnant afterwards.  That's the same number who become pregnant after terminating fertility treatments...adoption or not!

2. Infertility is the Female's Fault: Not hardly! 35% of all infertility is directly attributed to the male partner!  In 20% of all infertility cases, both partners are involved.  In our personal case, we are both equally 100% incapable of creating a child in the bedroom...even if we were with different spouses.  We like to think that this means we are truly a match made in Heaven!  We also know that neither of us will ever be featured in the "Surprise, who's your Daddy/Mommy Maury Povich Show," or if we are...the test will be negative!

3.  Couples Who Work Hard Enough Eventually Get Pregnant:  Nope!  Adam and I worked REALLY hard at this...and still do (just in other ways).  Of couples labelled infertile, over 60% will go on to have children by some path.  The other 40% won't...period.  Obviously, some couples are more willing to do IVF, use donors and surrogates, etc., and some aren't.  Either way, there will always be failures.  Nothing in the ART world is ever guarenteed!

4.  Infertility is Psychological: Wrong again.  80-90% of all cases of infertility have a defined physical cause.  Us infertiles only become crazy once we get the label!  If therapy and psych drugs got people pregnant, there would be a lot more "experts" in the field!

5.  Infertility is a Sexual Problem: Let's just think a minute...do you think that 13 year olds having sex and getting pregnant are "doing it" by the book?  Not hardly!  The majority of infertility problems have nothing to do with bedroom malfunctions (like over 99% of them)!  I can tell you from experience that Viagra isn't used for infertile males to "fix" the problem!  It is however, potentially useful in females for building the endometrial lining (just FYI)!

6.  Infertility is Against God: Now that's a can of worms!  Since this is my blog and my opinion, I'm calling this a myth.  My Reproductive Endocrinologist is a devout, practicing United Methodist (like me).  He prays.  I'm pretty sure God wouldn't have blessed him with this knowledge if he didn't have intentions of him using it!  I am very thankful for medical science, but with 3 failures under my belt...I am well aware that it isn't really in control...God is!

7.  Women are Getting Pregnant in Their 40s...it's the new 30s:  Well...women are getting pregnant far later than life than was the case in the past.  Some actually even manage to do it with their own eggs.  BUT, for most...the "secret" is donor eggs.  I think donor eggs are wonderful and have opened many doors for women who would otherwise be without options (some even in their 20s-30s)!  I just hate to see people actually think that we are becoming more fertile from an evolutionary standpoint, not hardly!

8.  Infertility is Someone's Fault (Related to Lifestyle):  Well...  I'll be the first to say that Adam and I have scoured every detail of our past to see what might have "caused" us to both be so infertile.  We've never had STDs, been substance abusers, or anything of that sort!  We certainly feel some Christian guilt though...sometimes thinking God is punishing us for something in our past.  But, infertility is a DISEASE...not a religious punishment experience!  People don't spiritually or medically deserve to be infertile...period.  It just happens. 

9.  Relaxation Helps Fertility:  Now, this is my favorite!  Here's my response (to people who push the issue), "We did a 9 day trip to the Happiest Place on Earth and another 9 day trip on a Caribbean Cruise.  We ate too much, drank too much, tanned, enjoyed our favorite pasttimes and spent a significant amount of time in our room...neither time did we come back pregnant.  And trust me, we DID relax!"  My next answer (though less common and very rarely needed) is this, "Relaxing won't fix our issues.  My cervix is anatomically abnormal, IF the sperm could get through it, we don't have enough of them.  Assuming a few did, we still wouldn't have enough to penetrate the egg casing.  And that's assuming there was even an egg in the general vicinity!  Assuming one miracle sperm 'got in' a rare penetratable egg, the egg likely wouldn't divide because it's quality is terrible.  IF it divided, it would only survive until day 3 because the sperm DNA would fail and the embryo would die.  And IF the embryo lived, it would only temporarily implant because my body doens't make enough progesterone to maintain a healthy lining.  After that, if by a miracle we got that far, the placenta would clot causing a miscarriage because I have abnormal clotting studies known to do this.  So....at what part in this is relaxing supposed to help me???"  That generally ends the conversation!  (Yes...I have an evil streak!)  I'd like to see anyone with this set of issues relax!  On a happy note, every issue we have is treatable and surmountable in some way, but clearly we have a few!  And by the way, surrogacy won't "fix" our issues...despite what the TV wants you to believe.

I guess those are my infertility myth highlights!  Tomorrow...I'm taking a break from my  blog.  I think this post was enough for two nights!

Infertility Etiquette

http://www.resolve.org/support-and-services/for-family--friends/infertility-etiquette.html

The truth is that I really can't say this any better than this article does!  I just wish I could be given a nickel for every time Adam and I have been asked/told the following:

1. Have you considered adoption?  My new response is, "Have you?" or "Why didn't you adopt?"
2. Just relax, it'll happen.  My reponse is, "Nope, it won't.  We went on a 9 day Caribbean vacation and spent 10 days at Disney World which calls itself the Happiest Place on Earth.  Didn't work for us!"
3.  Well, maybe it's God's will.  My response is simple, "I guess so."
4. (Sorry, added late!)  In general, telling me how fertile you are!  Let me just tell you, I don't care to hear it.  If sharing the soap with your husband gets you pregnant, then yeah for you.  If your uterus looks perfect and your doctor tells you how important birth control practices are, then yeah for you.  If you got pregnant "accidentally," then yeah for you.  I'm glad most folks are happily fertile, but don't tell me and your infertile friends about it! It's pretty insensitive!

Happy reading!

What Infertility Really Is, From the Trenches

Thanks to Moxie for allowing me to use this awesome poster!!!

Since National Infertility Awareness Week technically began yesterday, I figured I'd do 2 blog posts tonight.  While browsing the infertility forums today (of which I am a member), I noticed an interesting thread in the "Infertility Support" board.  The title of the thread was "Infertility Is..."  Many women wrote posts today listing some of the things that infertility "is" for them.  I could honestly relate to every single line, some more than others.  Here are some things written by our board ladies...

Infertility is:
-having an empty bedroom that serves no purpose. Who needs two guest bedrooms/offices?
-walking along a beach, looking back and knowing there will only ever be two sets of footprints.
-dreading shopping at a supermarket and finding yourself in the baby section because it has been moved around (or surrounded by pregnant women).
-wishing more than anything that you can have what other people take for granted and have so easily.
-not being able to go to your closest friend's baby shower.
-having to always explain why it's just the two of you.
-missing out on birthday parties, easter egg hunts, Christmas mornings.
-becoming angry, hurt, bitter, mad at the world (especially pregnant women and ignorant people).
-walking in to work at a hosptial and seeing that 14 yr old pregnant.
-wondering what did I ever do to have to go thru such a horrible thing.
-scared because I got a positive and thinking theres no way i got a positive, nothing ever goes our way.
-alienating friends and family who can't understand your desire to have a baby and why you just don't adopt.
-when your emotional, social, mental, religious, and medical worlds all colapse on top of one another every month.
-putting your life on hold month-after-month, day-after-day to no end.
-having a void in your heart that cannot be filled by anything but a child.
-having to patiently hold your tongue when your friend says something insensitive about your struggle.
-feeling like less of a woman.
-trying to convince your father that you are happy with just having a dog, because you don't want to really tell them how much time, pain, and shots you have put into this process.
-catching yourself from being jealous (and crying) just because 100 people on Facebook are announcing their pregnancy.
-watching the Disney cruise commercials and crying like a baby because nothing in the world would make you happier than taking a child on one.
-looking at photography websites and seeing pics of daddys and daughters and wanting so badly to be able to give that to your hubby.
-the cause of my greatest heartaches.
-seeking comfort from strangers because not a single one of your family or friends understands the pain.
-thinking you're going to jinx yourself pregnant by buying that mega box of tampons or that huge bottle of your favorite wine, both of which are gone the following month.
-unfair.
-the true meaning of "grin and bear it."

For me, it means:
-going to an older adult's birthday party, seeing their pride in their family, and knowing that Adam and I may never have our own children to be proud of.
-wondering who will help care for us when we are no longer able to care for ourselves?
-wondering who will reap the benefits of our hard work (and incomes) when we are gone?
-just hoping a happy (or maybe even just tolerable) end to all of this is in sight.
-failure.

Infertility 101

146,693 in vitro cycles were performed in 2010. Of those, 39,473 were on women under 35 years old. I suspect the 2011 stats will be similar when published. The rate of infertility in the United States is generally felt to be around 12% of couples. Infertility is clinically defined by a lack of pregnancy after one year of unprotected intercourse (6 months if you are over 35). If you are wondering why 35 is the cut-off for a change in diagnosis, it’s because female fertility plummets at age 35. Of all of the couples labeled as infertile, only 3% will actually proceed to in vitro fertilization. In 2011, Adam and I became one of those couples and contributed to 2 cycle failures. We are already one “statistic” into 2012!


This week is National Infertility Awareness Week. Almost 2 years ago now, Adam began trying to start our family. Just 7 months after starting, we earned the title “Infertile.” Our road has been a tough one, full of unfortunate findings and surprises at almost every step. Because I have truly “been there” and still “am there,” I have decided to post a Blog article or link every day this week in hopes of educating my friends and family about this process. I remember how apathetic I was towards infertile couples several years ago. Now, I feel terrible about it and can honestly say that payback is a miserable experience!

Our Family's Legacy...One Year Later

This day last year at about 11:30 pm (CST), I received a called from my brother informing me that my Granddaddy had died.  He had recovered nicely from a major trauma and had been in rehab building strength for a few days.  Unfortunately, the stress was probably too great and he passed away in his sleep that night.  It was truly the worst night (and next several days) of my life.

Our Granddaddy was our family legacy.  He modelled faith in God, dedication to and love for family, good character, humility, hard work, honesty, and respect for all people regardless of their backgrounds.  He enjoyed his family, UGA and CCHS football, playing golf, working hard, and fishing.  He was a wonderful listener and great confidant.  He didn't always tell me what I wanted to hear, but he had a very gentle way of telling me what I needed to hear.  And... I'm proud to say that I listened and took every ounce of his advice to heart!  On the weekend before he died, I was off and decided to drive to Moultrie to visit him.  He was still in the hospital, though he was beginning to walk.  His mind was perfect.  He and I had several hours together that Sunday morning before I left.  We talked about my practice/business, Adam, and our plans to start our family.  He knew we were having fertility issues and he told me that he supported us 100% in whichever route we needed to take (though he shared our feeling towards adoption).  Basically, he encouraged us to spend wisely...but to spend if that's what it took to build our family.  He knew we were doing IVF.  It certainly wasn't something he understood the fine details of, but he certainly understood its purpose and our needs.  I would love to have had him to share the events of last year with...and I'd certainly welcome his advice and insight as to what we now face. Frankly, I miss my Sunday phone calls and visits to his and Grandmother's house...regardless of whether advice was needed or not! 

I see my Grandaddy's photo as I walk into my medical office each day.  I also see the photo of he and my Grandmother that sits between my office and Dad's office each day.  I'm so thankful that we still have Grandmother, and sad that he's not here anymore.  I think about Grandaddy on Friday nights during the fall, UGA football Saturdays (oh...the fond college memories...one of which involved a young punk and a gun), Sundays at Dairy Queen or Pizza Hut, every time I see a Captain D's (the location of my preschool "dates" with him), and our Saturday fishing trips (also used to weed-out useless boyfriends)!  Frankly, it's rare (if ever) that a day goes by that I don't think about Grandaddy in some way.

I think when a 34 year old professional married woman remembers her Granddaddy almost every day and misses him this much an entire year later...he must have been someone really special!  I know that Dad, Mom, Leslee, Trey, Grandmother, and my extended family feel the same love and sense of loss.  He really raised a spectacular family that continues to succeed in our lives and careers.  I just hope he gets to "see" us from above and continue to be proud of the lives we live...thanks to him!

L.R. Dampier Sr., we miss you tons!  Your 89 years will live for generations to come, and that's something very few families can be proud of!  Thinking of you a little bit more today and loving you always, Cinda.

 

What I'd Give to be "Normal"

Some of you are aware that we have been undergoing a 3rd IVF cycle over the past several weeks.  We've been a tad "quieter" about it, as we wanted to see how we would handle things...  Our cycle started on January 6 and ended today.  It was totally different, and required 7 weeks of drugs (not including months on birth control pills, high dose Folic acid, aspirin, and prescription prenatal vitamins).

On January 6, we signed the usual 20+ forms and legal paperwork.  Our medications were shipped ($2400 worth, which was actually cheaper than we had planned for thanks to some help with insurance) and arrived on January 13.  The injection protocol began on January 16 and ended on February 28.  It included 3-4 shots per day.  To say that the cycle was aggressive was an understatement. 

In total, this one round included 103 injections/blood draws, 4 ultrasounds, 1 procedure under anesthetic, and 1 embryo transfer.  My abdomen and hips resemble a war zone and will take a few weeks to return to a normal color.  I believe we made 8 trips to Nashville as well, though it feels like so many more!

On February 19, we transferred 3 perfect Grade A embryos.  It was my sister's 32nd birthday and the due date (if we had twins) would have been October 17.  This happens to be Adam's upcoming 40th and my Mom's upcoming 60th.  Seemed like great signs!  We thought that with the new year, a new protocol, a great lining, great labs, beautiful embryos, and perfect dates...we were certain to succeed!

While we've pretty much known since Tuesday, today was the official beta HCG test.  Sadly, the result was 0...literally.  It's heart-breaking for sure.  To add icing to the cake, we've seen 2 pregnancy announcements, 2 birth announcements, tons of photos of other peoples' babies, and countless comments and complaints from/about pregnant women...all since Tuesday.  I am even the only "failure" on my entire infertility forum this cycle...talk about being at the bottom!

I know nothing in life is guarenteed, even when everything is practically perfect.  This cycle is certainly proof of this!  We did manage to freeze 9 embryos this round, though feel that 3 of them may not be as healthy as we would like.  Despite being heart-broken, I suspect we'll try again in June and hope for the best. 

It's amazing how unfair life is.  We paid over $75k in taxes this year to support unemployed women having as many babies as they want.  We provide them free everything (carseats, formula, coupons, healthcare, food stamps,etc).  Sadly, Adam and I get to support these women AND have had the additional "privilege" of spending thousands of dollars just to try have a baby!  

For those who get pregnant without all of this, be VERY thankful.  You can't start to imagine how miserable this process is for couples like Adam and I.  There are no "easy" fixes or answers, and we are a serious challenge for any infertility clinic. 
The whole process just seems so unfair...I guess life is.

Our Muddy Adventure to Machine Falls

Today was a beautiful day!  The sky was clear and the temperature was expected to stay in the high 40s to low 50s.  Since we don't get many winter days this nice (especially when I'm not on call), we decided to find ourselves a local hike.  After some web-searching last night, I found an area about 30 miles from our home called the Short Springs Natural Area.  This area has several trails, one "big" waterfall, and another good-sized cascade.  After a light lunch at Sonic, we hit the trail at around 1.  We decided to hike to Machine Falls, which was a "moderate to strenuous" 1.5 mile hike...plus about a tenth more to actually get to the falls.

We set out on the trail, which began as a very easy wooded trail.  Once we got within earshot of the falls, this quickly changed!  The trail descended VERY steeply down to the creek....like some steps "down" were over 2 feet!  Once we got the the creek, here's what we found... (Basically the trail ended...but the sign said the falls were 100 yards to the right.  It just didn't say how you were supposed to get to them!)

Here's Adam at the trail's end!  We decided to try to take the hillside, since the water was about 8" deep and we didn't want to hike with cold, wet feet.  So, here's what we faced...

Yes...it was super steep...and slick under the leaves as well!  When we rounded this hillside (winded, muddy, and thankful for our safety), here's what we saw...

  The falls were really spectacular!  They are 60 feet tall and 60 feet wide...and full of water!  The photos just don't do justice to the sounds and beauty of the falls.  The water was dripping off of these green mossy rocks, creating an almost fairy-tale like image.  We took several photos, and then I wandered down the hill to the base of the falls (or technically about 4 feet up, as I didn't get into the water at the base).

Wandering down the hill really wasn't my brightest idea ever...though I was hoping to walk back to the main trail along the opposite side of the creek (to avoid climbing that steep slippery hill again).  I went down, using both my feet as well as my butt.  (Yes, it WAS that steep!)  Sadly, I made it to the lowest rock and discovered that I had about a 4 foot drop to the creek bed.  Unfortunately, the rock below was covered in moss and algae and I KNEW it was slick.  There was no good place to get footing (and I wasn't feeling like injuring myself on asprin therapy), so I was forced to climb back up.  Before heading up, I took these...

This next one is sideways (stupid Blogger won't orient it properly), but it shows just how steep the hill was.  see Adam at the top???

I then climbed back up to where Adam was (this was challenging and resulted in a bruised right knee) and we finished the trail.  Overall, it was a wonderful short hike with some good challenges!  My jeans didn't make out very well (as you can see below), but Adam posed just to prove that he came out "clean!"

Nothing like a good Saturday adventure!!!  Because I was so dirty, we came home and changed clothes.  We then went to Murfreesboro for dinner and a tad of shopping.  Overall, it was a perfect day together!!!