We Are Back!

Nice pic, not sure about Adam's "lazy" eye!
Adam on the trail...

Starting off...


"Real men..."



This weekend, I decided I needed to get out of town! I was not on call and Dr. M gratiously agreed to round on my one patient for me. I knew that I wasn't really comfortable being several miles back in the woods with no cell phone reception while on aspirin and Lovenox...so this was our last hike for at least a few weeks (hopefully for much longer)!
Mom, Dad, and Trey left Thursday for Pigeon Forge; while Adam and I left after work on Friday. On Saturday morning, we had a great breakfast at the Apple Barn together. Trey, Adam, and I then headed up to Cosby, TN to Cosby Cove, a portion of the Great Smokey Mountain National Park. We really didn't have time to make our "usual" 5-7 mile hike secondary to the shorter days, so we chose a 4.4 mile hike to Hen Wallow Falls.
The ascent was a nice climb...for 2.1 miles. The last 0.1 mile was straight down a rocky, rooty, and VERY slick path! The falls were flowing very nicely and were quite beautiful! We enjoyed them for about 15 minutes then made our way back to the parking area. It was an absolutely perfect day for a hike and I am SOOOOO glad we went!
BTW...I got stung AGAIN by a yellow jacket on the trail! For those who have followed the blog for a long time, you may remember that this happened a couple of years ago. I ended up with a whelp that covered my entire flank! This round, it was on my left leg. For now, it's about 4"x2" in size. I suspect that it'll "grow" to about twice that within the next 2 days...if history repeats itself. Gotta LOVE sensitive skin with delayed-type hypersensitivity!
I'm now back home. My meds are all set for the week (injections that can be "pre-drawn" are ready and pills are in the organizer). I feel rested, calm, and just ready to get the process started tomorrow. Overall, the weekend was a perfect getaway for Adam and I to spend time with Trey and my parents...AND to relax! Hope everyone has a wonderful week!

Monday It Is!

Well, just got back from a rainy wet drive to Nashville. Today was the day that we went in to be sure that we are "suppressed." In layman's terms, to see if we were in chemical menopause yet... While I don't know the results of the bloodwork, I can tell you that the ultrasound definitely says that we are! My ovaries were tiny today...which is a good thing (relatively speaking)!
Anita and I met (she says her quickest "calendar talk" in a long time) to review the calendar. I got my blood drawn, Dr. V did a quick ultrasound, and I was on my way. I guess you could say that we are now "regulars" because EVERY person in that office knows me by name!
We are heading to the Smokeys this weekend to relax, maybe hike (weather permitting), and to get ready for this next phase... For sure, we will be on 11-12 pills per day and 4 injections per day. We'll head back next Wednesday to see how things are progressing....
For those who have the time or can take it, please send prayers and warm thoughts our way! This is a BIG deal for us (though sometimes I think mainly me) and we'd LOVE for it to maybe work. Our odds are low for success (less than 15%), but this is our last round before having to move to some major protocol changes...
Have a great weekend everyone!!!

Why Two When You Can Have Four???

There never seems to be a dull moment in our lives! Yesterday, while slaving away in our wound care clinic, I got a call from CRH in Nashville. I guess Anita missed me, because she called to ask me if I had talked to Dr. Vasquez. I said, "Um...no... Should I be worried?" She went on to tell me that the studies from my blood-letting last month had come back...finally. When the panel was drawn, it was to look for antibodies and other lab anomalies that would increase the risk of spontaneous placental clotting..which is a HUGE factor in miscarriages and complications of some pregnancies. It also could explain why, despite being relatively "pretty," Scrappy A and Scrappy B didn't "stick." (If you don't know who these are/were, I guess you'll be reading the previous blog posts!) The panel tested for 23 things. Being my typical overachieving self, I didn't test with one high (which is a bad thing) value...I got 8 "highs."
So, I'll be you are wondering what this means. Well, it means that had we not done this, we could have gone through multiple IVF cycles only to miscarry. I am VERY thankful our doc tested early, as this could save us lots of heartbreak (which I'd argue we've had plenty this year).
The good news is that this problem is "easily" fixed... All we need is Lovenox, a prescription blood-thinner. And we only need it until we fail the cycle OR until we go into labor. Yep...this is a LONG commitment! I was, however, very thankful to get the call today from the pharmacy. The girl initially told me that we qualified for free shipping, to which my first thought was heck yeah...because you are about to tell me that it costs half of my mortgage every month! But, she went on to say that the drug (with our insurance who approved it immediately) was only going to cost $7/month... AMAZING! (If you think medication costs are high...try buying infertility medications!)
Now, if you are wondering about the title of the post...here goes. Instead of 2 shots per day (plus an almost daily blood draw in Nashville), we now get to take 4 (and we STILL get that almost daily drive to Nashville to take my blood)! I'm trying to mentally prepare myself to me a human pin cusion...and it's NOT easy! The meds arrive Friday and I'm imagining that we will be "stimming" by next Monday. 2 more days before the sticking (well...we are already on 1 shot a day...but I'm talking about the 4 deal), ultrasounds, drives to Nashville, and afternoon phone calls begin. Wish us luck!!! Again, why 2 when you can have 4???

Sometimes it's the little things...

In the eyes of many, this is a trivial post. But, for me...it is a BIG deal! On our last cycle, I gave myself Lupron injections daily without much fanfare. Unfortunately, this cycle has been very different. On Monday morning, I did my usual routine and grabbed the syringe out of the refrigerator. I stared at it for several seconds (maybe even a full minute) and just couldn't bring myself to do it. I guess you could say that my anxiety got the best of me! Adam came along and I handed him the syringe and said, "just do it please." He reluctantly gave me the shot and has done so all week.

This morning, I got up with the goal of making waffles and bacon for breakfast. I knew I needed to take the Lupron, but Adam was still in bed. I hated to wake him up, so I took the syringe out of the fridge. I prepped my skin, paused several seconds, and managed eventually to give myself the injection! Amazingly, it didn't even hurt or sting...which is what it usually does!

I'm thrilled with myself and hope this will be day 1 of many days to come of giving myself the Lupron. I feel a greater sense of accomplishment over this than I probably did graduating from college. Heck... In the scheme of things, college was WAY easier than this infertility stuff!

Today is already a great day...and it's just getting started. I'm heading to work now to round, finish up charts, and prepare a credentialling application. (Sounds fun doesn't it???) But, I feel quite accomplished in my morning. Sometimes it really is the little things...

And Another Journey Begins...

For Adam and I, tomorrow begins another IVF cycle. This morning (while he's still asleep), I was doing some spiritual reading and trying to educate myself a little more about God, his will, and our place in life. I often use my quiet Sunday mornings for this, and find that it sets the tone for a nice week...sometimes more than attending church.

Because Adam is Catholic (though certainly not "practicing"), I really wanted to educate myself more on the Catholic stance of IVF. I knew the Catholic church was "against it"... but I wanted to know why and what scripture they used to support their stance. So...thus my study today.
Needless to say, there is not a concise answer. But...to be a brief as possible, there are two major issues/points that were published in the Catholic doctrines in 1987.

1. The Catholic church believes that babies should be created through relations between a man and a woman...period.
2. The Catholic church believes that souls are created at the time of fertilization, thus embryos have souls. Therefore, discarding embryos is considered abortion and thawing embryos that don't survive is in essence, the same.

Wow... Obviously this opens a HUGE can of worms! Rather than go on and on about my issues with this doctrine, I wondered where in the Bible these issues were addressed. As you might expect (since there wasn't anything even close to IVF in those days), they are not!

But here's one verse I did find...
Psalm 113:9 He gives the baren woman a home, making her a joyous mother of children. Praise the Lord!

While looking a little bit further, I found this...written by someone named Carol. It pretty much sums up my readings and thoughts this morning. For those who haven't crossed these bridges, it will enlighten you. For those who have, hopefully it was inspire you!

I am a religious person and my faith in what God means when he gives people certain challenges has kept me going through this ordeal. What do I think God meant when he gave me infertility? I think he meant for my husband and I to grow closer, love deeper. I think God meant for us to find the fortitude within ourselves to get up everytime infertility knocks us down. I think God meant for our medical community to discover medicines, invent medical equipment, create procedures and protocols. I think God meant for us to find a cure for infertility. No. God never meant for me to not have children. That's not my destiny, that's just a fork in the road I'm on.
I've been placed on the road less traveled and like it or not, I'm a better person for it. Clearly, God meant for me to overcome my devastation, guilt and sorrow in order to develop more compassion, deeper courage, and greater inner strength on this journey to resolution and I haven't let him down. Frankly, if the truth be known, I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and so deep that when that baby is finally placed in my arms it will be the longest, coolest, and most refreshing drink I've ever known.

Happy Sunday everyone!!! God Bless You!

5th Anniversary Trip to the Big Easy

Because we were both on call for our "real" anniversary, Adam and I booked our annual anniversary trip for one week later. On Thursday night, we flew from Nashville to New Orleans. Since we worked all day, we went to the hotel and got in bed fairly early (think midnight). Friday morning, we got up and walked to the mile to Cafe du Monde for a late breakfast of beignets and iced/frozen coffee.

We then walked through several neighborhoods. After resting for a bit at the hotel (and cooling off), we headed to Deanies for a late lunch/early dinner. Adam had their famous heads-on barbecue shrimp and I had crawfish 4 ways (fried tails, au gratin, eatouffet, and dressing balls). We also head coconut bread pudding for dessert. Interestingly enough, they serve red potatoes instead on bread...which was different. Because I LOVE raw oysters, we also had a half dozen for our appetizer. After dinner, we spent a couple of hours in a bar having a few drinks and then went on a New Orleans ghost tour afterwards. We enjoyed the tour and took loads of cool pictures...orbs and even 2 ectoplasms! After that, we were totally exhausted and went back to the hotel for bed.

On Saturday, we went back for more beignets at Cafe du Monde. They were wonderful....again! We then went to the French Market for a bit. After some looking (not buying), we took a private 1.5 hour carriage tour around the French Quarter and out to the cemetery. It was really interesting! We got back and were a tad hungry, so decided to have a "small" lunch of a muffaletta sandwich and crawfish cakes....with a cannoli for dessert at Franks. We finished up at Franks and shopped a bit. We then went to the hotel to rest for about an hour. After resting for a bit, we headed out again to the Royal Oyster House. I ate a dozen raw oysters and crab with corn soup while Adam had an alligator Po-Boy. Both were outstanding! We then went to the Vampire Tour and called it a night!

On Sunday, we had our anniversary brunch at Brennans. It was the best breakfast/brunch I've ever eaten and was a really special dining experience! We dined for about 2 hours and went back to the hotel to change clothes and pack. We then checked out and took the trolley to the Garden District. We walked around there for a bit and then caught our cab to the airport. We had an uneventful trip home and got in bed around 11 Sunday night.

It's been a tough few months for us and this trip was a welcome escape for Adam and I. Adam never ceases to amaze me with his thoughtfulness and demonstrated this on Saturday in the cemetery. During our tour, we were told that people visit the tomb of Mary Leveau in order to make requests or to help "kick" some bad habit. For those who don't know, Mary brought Catholicism to the slaves in New Orleans and is highly respected in the town. For stopping something, people place "Xs" on her tomb. For requests/thank you for prayers answered, they place "Os" or lay a token/gift at the tomb. I listened to the guide who told us this, but didn't really think much of it. When we got there, I noticed that Adam had something in his hands. He bent down and placed 3 quarters at the base of her tomb and turned to smile at me. I teared up a bit and realized EXACTLY what the quarters were for...the 3 embryos that we will be placing during our next round of IVF in late September/early October. And yes....we ARE going to try again. Our chances of IVF success are low, but we really wanted to give ourselves a couple more chances to make a baby (or two). Guess we'll just see how round 2 goes!

Happy Anniversary!!!

My last dance with Grandaddy...

The wedding party.

Our favorite wedding photograph.

Tomorrow is a special day for Adam and I, as it's our 5th Aniversary! Since August 5, 2006 we have lived in 4 cities, moved 3 times, and weathered several losses. Every year has presented some sort of unique challenge, with this one icing the cake (so-to-speak).

Many of you who follow this blog were part of our weding day and we are so very thankful that you chose to spend it with us! We look back on that day as one of the best days of our lives and are so very thankful that God brought us to one another on April 12, 2003.

When I look back on the challenges of this year, I realize more and more that marriages are made stronger during the tough times. Between losing Grandaddy and realizing that having a baby the old-fashion way wasn't possible for us, it's been a sad year. But, we have weathered (and are still weathering) the storms together. For that, I am super grateful!

Thank you all for your friendship, support, messages, prayers, and love for us! I can't wait to see what God has in store for us this next year!

And Adam, thank you for being everything a wife could ask for in a husband! Our song says it all...."God Blessed the Broken Road that Led Me Straight to You."

Love you very much!