5th Anniversary Trip to the Big Easy

Because we were both on call for our "real" anniversary, Adam and I booked our annual anniversary trip for one week later. On Thursday night, we flew from Nashville to New Orleans. Since we worked all day, we went to the hotel and got in bed fairly early (think midnight). Friday morning, we got up and walked to the mile to Cafe du Monde for a late breakfast of beignets and iced/frozen coffee.

We then walked through several neighborhoods. After resting for a bit at the hotel (and cooling off), we headed to Deanies for a late lunch/early dinner. Adam had their famous heads-on barbecue shrimp and I had crawfish 4 ways (fried tails, au gratin, eatouffet, and dressing balls). We also head coconut bread pudding for dessert. Interestingly enough, they serve red potatoes instead on bread...which was different. Because I LOVE raw oysters, we also had a half dozen for our appetizer. After dinner, we spent a couple of hours in a bar having a few drinks and then went on a New Orleans ghost tour afterwards. We enjoyed the tour and took loads of cool pictures...orbs and even 2 ectoplasms! After that, we were totally exhausted and went back to the hotel for bed.

On Saturday, we went back for more beignets at Cafe du Monde. They were wonderful....again! We then went to the French Market for a bit. After some looking (not buying), we took a private 1.5 hour carriage tour around the French Quarter and out to the cemetery. It was really interesting! We got back and were a tad hungry, so decided to have a "small" lunch of a muffaletta sandwich and crawfish cakes....with a cannoli for dessert at Franks. We finished up at Franks and shopped a bit. We then went to the hotel to rest for about an hour. After resting for a bit, we headed out again to the Royal Oyster House. I ate a dozen raw oysters and crab with corn soup while Adam had an alligator Po-Boy. Both were outstanding! We then went to the Vampire Tour and called it a night!

On Sunday, we had our anniversary brunch at Brennans. It was the best breakfast/brunch I've ever eaten and was a really special dining experience! We dined for about 2 hours and went back to the hotel to change clothes and pack. We then checked out and took the trolley to the Garden District. We walked around there for a bit and then caught our cab to the airport. We had an uneventful trip home and got in bed around 11 Sunday night.

It's been a tough few months for us and this trip was a welcome escape for Adam and I. Adam never ceases to amaze me with his thoughtfulness and demonstrated this on Saturday in the cemetery. During our tour, we were told that people visit the tomb of Mary Leveau in order to make requests or to help "kick" some bad habit. For those who don't know, Mary brought Catholicism to the slaves in New Orleans and is highly respected in the town. For stopping something, people place "Xs" on her tomb. For requests/thank you for prayers answered, they place "Os" or lay a token/gift at the tomb. I listened to the guide who told us this, but didn't really think much of it. When we got there, I noticed that Adam had something in his hands. He bent down and placed 3 quarters at the base of her tomb and turned to smile at me. I teared up a bit and realized EXACTLY what the quarters were for...the 3 embryos that we will be placing during our next round of IVF in late September/early October. And yes....we ARE going to try again. Our chances of IVF success are low, but we really wanted to give ourselves a couple more chances to make a baby (or two). Guess we'll just see how round 2 goes!

Happy Anniversary!!!

My last dance with Grandaddy...

The wedding party.

Our favorite wedding photograph.

Tomorrow is a special day for Adam and I, as it's our 5th Aniversary! Since August 5, 2006 we have lived in 4 cities, moved 3 times, and weathered several losses. Every year has presented some sort of unique challenge, with this one icing the cake (so-to-speak).

Many of you who follow this blog were part of our weding day and we are so very thankful that you chose to spend it with us! We look back on that day as one of the best days of our lives and are so very thankful that God brought us to one another on April 12, 2003.

When I look back on the challenges of this year, I realize more and more that marriages are made stronger during the tough times. Between losing Grandaddy and realizing that having a baby the old-fashion way wasn't possible for us, it's been a sad year. But, we have weathered (and are still weathering) the storms together. For that, I am super grateful!

Thank you all for your friendship, support, messages, prayers, and love for us! I can't wait to see what God has in store for us this next year!

And Adam, thank you for being everything a wife could ask for in a husband! Our song says it all...."God Blessed the Broken Road that Led Me Straight to You."

Love you very much!

Not much to say...

For those who knew we were going back to Nashville today, we went. We were given some news that wasn't at all what we had hoped to hear...frankly that no happily married stable couple would ever want to hear. From this point forward, Adam and I have some big decisions to make that are very personal. I don't know when we will update the blog again, as I don't know what decisions we will make or how (or when) the ones we do make will happen. Thank you to those who have followed our blog and supported us these past few months with prayers, calls, texts, and emails. We appreciate them very much!

BFN

Today was our official beta-HCG test to determine whether our cycle worked or not. Adam and I home-tested several times this week and all were negative, so I had a bad feeling. Frankly, I never felt "great" that things worked anyway. (I felt like things went as well as they could, but didn't have a good feeling about the success of the cycle.)

In short, we are NOT pregnant...the IVF cycle failed. Sometime in the next couple of weeks, Adam and I will head to Nashville to hear from Dr. Vasquez why he thinks the cycle failed, what could be changed for the next cycle, and whether or not another cycle is in our best interest. From there, Adam and I will decide what's best for us and our families. Frankly, we will likely go through the process again, but will wait a couple of months.

On a positive note, my red, swollen, hot hips (from the injections) will now get a chance to heal and I can begin to feel more like myself...and less "hormonal." I'm looking forward to being a wife again who doesn't require 9 extra pills and a nightly shot!

Thank you for all of your calls, texts, and emails today. We appreciate them all! Our only request is that you please hold your questions for now. The questions being asked are ones that we don't know the answers to yet...and may not for several weeks. Again, thanks!

And by-the-way...BFN means "Big Fat Negative!" It and it's counterpart BFP (the happy acryonym) are common IVF lingo. Amazing what you learn from this process...

Jinxed myself.... More meds!

Well, I posted too soon about getting back down to relatively "normal" meds! Anita called today and my hormone levels have dropped quite a bit, despite increasing the doses on Tuesday night. Tonight, we increase the estrogen in our injection, continue our progesterone tabs, AND start 4 capsules of Progesterone per day! We found out back in March that I had a Luteal Phase Deficiency, which is a insufficiency of progesterone during the luteal phase of our cycle. (Progesterone builds a lining that makes the embryo "stick.") So, Iguess this isn't much of a surprise...

Sigh.....so much for the 1 day "pill" break!

Bedrest has Ended!!!

As most of you know, I've been on super strict bedrest since Sunday. My head couldn't be above 45 degrees and I could get out of bed ONLY to use the restroom (NOT brush teeth, wash face, etc.) and wash my hands. I had planned to be on the computer working quite a bit, but just couldn't do it! I couldn't type at that angle (or see the screen well for that matter) and got frustrated everytime I tried to do the smallest computer-related tasks! Frankly, I felt kind of "washed out" as well and just didn't have much energy.

Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday went relatively well. Adam took GREAT care of me, Mom came to visit and brought Sonic (my favorite), and Ms. Lokey cooked 3 meals... I watched some TV, slept, and read. Yesterday, however, things changed. My back was super sore and I just couldn't get comfortable. My hormone dosage also doubled on Tuesday night, which didn't help matters. (I melted down and cried because Adam wouldn't buy me a chilli dog for lunch...and I haven't eaten a stupid chilli dog in over a year!) By this morning, I was definitely done!

I woke up a bit before 5 (after a very restless night of being unable to get comfortable) and hopped in the shower. I thought it was going to be wonderful...but it wasn't. I have become so sensitive to smells that the smell of my hair conditioner literally made me nauseated...and I just couldn't seem to shake it. My face cream smelled bad, my garage stank, etc... So, I got clean and headed out for the drive to Nashville. Ms. Lokey offered to ride up with me for company and I accepted...as the 2.5 hours in the car gets old by yourself. We arrived on time and I had my blood drawn. Today is just a check on estradiol and progesterone levels...no pregnancy test yet as it's too early. Anita told me that I was off bedrest, but that I should kind of relax today. Frankly, I feel kind of washed out, so I didn't argue.

We stopped at Cracker Barrell on the way home as well as the office to visit with Mom and Dad. Now, I'm home and going to rest a bit.

One thing I didn't count on at the start of this process is the amount of medication! I'm now just back to my BP meds, vitamins, (off antibiotics and steroids) and nightly injections of progesterone and estrogen. Today marks one full month of at least one shot every day (well...got one day off). In some ways, sore hips and bruises are becoming part of normal life!

Overall, I am certainly praying this process is successful and worth it! And while I'm kind of sore and tired today, I am VERY thankful to be off of bedrest!!!

A Happy Ending, to this Phase at Least!!!

Hopeful future Sawinskis... Scrappy A and Scrappy B (Named by Leslee)

Well, we sat on pins and needles yesterday dreading the possibility of a phone call that would end this cycle...but, thankfully it never came! I couldn't sleep all night because I just had this fear that we would get up there today, only to be told that there was nothing good enough to transfer. We headed to Nashville around 6:45 am and arrived at 8:05 am. During our trip, the rain had stopped and there was a hint of sunshine behind the clouds. We went into the office and waited until we were called back.

Around 8:30 am, we were called to the back. I, once again, had the opportunity to change into a buttless gown and booties. I placed my clothes in "my" locker and went to sit in the all-to-familiar recliner. There, we signed consents for the transfer. I also was given another intramuscular injection of Demerol/Phenergan and had more blood drawn. The nurse had to look for areas that had "less" bruising, as I've become one big bruise as of late!

After the forms were signed, Dr. Vasquez came in to talk to us. He was not nearly as worried about our egg quality as Anita had implied. He stated that it was "fine" and that he "saw no issues with it." We discussed what options we had and the pros/cons of each. We had a total of 3 embryos. Two were Grade B (He said they almost never gave A's.) and there was one Grade C, which was fragmented. He offerred placing one, two, or all three. After more discussion, Adam and I chose to go with the two Grade B embryos (one with 8 cells and one with 10). The Grade C will likely arrest tonight, so can't be frozen. Overall, we KNEW that triplets would not be safe for us in light of my blood pressure issues and the fact that we both work! In the end, we went with our original plan, which was to place 2!

After all forms were signed and my drugs (which also included Valium) were in, I was escorted to the OR. Adam was allowed to "dress" as well and go with me this time, which was comforting. During the wait, we also talked to the embryologist who assurred us that our eggs were ok and that if this failed, we were NOT hopeless in the future. We waited for a bit more and then I got to sit with my knees in stirrups for several minutes...almost an hour! I drifted in and out...half awake. Dr. Vasquez, the embryologist (via a side door), a tech, and his nurse all came in. The speculum was placed and we got started. After lots of "embryo-safe" prepping was done, he began to position things. Adam describes his placement as a "roller coaster." Apparently, my anatomy is VERY hard with two sharp twists in order to make it into the uterine cavity. Even with two cervical sutures, he had a tough time. I was defnitely thankful for the drugs, as I'm pretty sure that the process would have been REALLY painful otherwise. Even with drugs, it was uncomfortable (and frankly painful) at times. Once ready though, the embryos were verified as ours and passed through the embryology "door." Shooting them in was definitely something that I felt! It was actually painful, but such a relieving and happy moment as well! He then removed the cervical sutures, which caused a fair amount of bleeding. I had to sit with some packing for about 20 minutes to ensure that everything stopped. Dr. Vasquez then came back in, removed things, and was pleased. I laid on the bed for another 15 or so minutes, then was transferred to recovery via stretcher. After another 15 or so minutes, I was allowed to dress (while laying with my head just barely elevated) and to use the restroom. I was then rolled out to the car and rested in the back seat on the way home.

I've laid around all afternoon and cannot get out of bed except to use the restroom. Actually, I can't even raise my head above 45 degrees! We called Dr. Vasquez (as instructed) this afternoon, who reported that our labs are good. Now, we continue our plethora of meds and nightly shots...while being glued to the bed!

Overall, I can't start to express how thankful I am that things went so well today! Friday's news was devastating, as I was afraid that we would be told that there was no hope for us having a child who was biologically ours. Satuday was torture and today was just wonderful! The pain was nothing compared to the happiness we have knowing that we DO have a chance and that this may just work! Whether the ending is happy or not, today was a perfect as it could be and for that, I am super grateful. Our (and many of your) prayers were answered today! Perhaps, someone else had a little influence as well...at least I'd like to think so!

Thank you to all who called, emailed, and messaged us this weekend. I read every one of them and appreciate all of your prayers and support. And Jordan, thanks for the "eye candy" package!