Infertility 101

146,693 in vitro cycles were performed in 2010. Of those, 39,473 were on women under 35 years old. I suspect the 2011 stats will be similar when published. The rate of infertility in the United States is generally felt to be around 12% of couples. Infertility is clinically defined by a lack of pregnancy after one year of unprotected intercourse (6 months if you are over 35). If you are wondering why 35 is the cut-off for a change in diagnosis, it’s because female fertility plummets at age 35. Of all of the couples labeled as infertile, only 3% will actually proceed to in vitro fertilization. In 2011, Adam and I became one of those couples and contributed to 2 cycle failures. We are already one “statistic” into 2012!


This week is National Infertility Awareness Week. Almost 2 years ago now, Adam began trying to start our family. Just 7 months after starting, we earned the title “Infertile.” Our road has been a tough one, full of unfortunate findings and surprises at almost every step. Because I have truly “been there” and still “am there,” I have decided to post a Blog article or link every day this week in hopes of educating my friends and family about this process. I remember how apathetic I was towards infertile couples several years ago. Now, I feel terrible about it and can honestly say that payback is a miserable experience!

Our Family's Legacy...One Year Later

This day last year at about 11:30 pm (CST), I received a called from my brother informing me that my Granddaddy had died.  He had recovered nicely from a major trauma and had been in rehab building strength for a few days.  Unfortunately, the stress was probably too great and he passed away in his sleep that night.  It was truly the worst night (and next several days) of my life.

Our Granddaddy was our family legacy.  He modelled faith in God, dedication to and love for family, good character, humility, hard work, honesty, and respect for all people regardless of their backgrounds.  He enjoyed his family, UGA and CCHS football, playing golf, working hard, and fishing.  He was a wonderful listener and great confidant.  He didn't always tell me what I wanted to hear, but he had a very gentle way of telling me what I needed to hear.  And... I'm proud to say that I listened and took every ounce of his advice to heart!  On the weekend before he died, I was off and decided to drive to Moultrie to visit him.  He was still in the hospital, though he was beginning to walk.  His mind was perfect.  He and I had several hours together that Sunday morning before I left.  We talked about my practice/business, Adam, and our plans to start our family.  He knew we were having fertility issues and he told me that he supported us 100% in whichever route we needed to take (though he shared our feeling towards adoption).  Basically, he encouraged us to spend wisely...but to spend if that's what it took to build our family.  He knew we were doing IVF.  It certainly wasn't something he understood the fine details of, but he certainly understood its purpose and our needs.  I would love to have had him to share the events of last year with...and I'd certainly welcome his advice and insight as to what we now face. Frankly, I miss my Sunday phone calls and visits to his and Grandmother's house...regardless of whether advice was needed or not! 

I see my Grandaddy's photo as I walk into my medical office each day.  I also see the photo of he and my Grandmother that sits between my office and Dad's office each day.  I'm so thankful that we still have Grandmother, and sad that he's not here anymore.  I think about Grandaddy on Friday nights during the fall, UGA football Saturdays (oh...the fond college memories...one of which involved a young punk and a gun), Sundays at Dairy Queen or Pizza Hut, every time I see a Captain D's (the location of my preschool "dates" with him), and our Saturday fishing trips (also used to weed-out useless boyfriends)!  Frankly, it's rare (if ever) that a day goes by that I don't think about Grandaddy in some way.

I think when a 34 year old professional married woman remembers her Granddaddy almost every day and misses him this much an entire year later...he must have been someone really special!  I know that Dad, Mom, Leslee, Trey, Grandmother, and my extended family feel the same love and sense of loss.  He really raised a spectacular family that continues to succeed in our lives and careers.  I just hope he gets to "see" us from above and continue to be proud of the lives we live...thanks to him!

L.R. Dampier Sr., we miss you tons!  Your 89 years will live for generations to come, and that's something very few families can be proud of!  Thinking of you a little bit more today and loving you always, Cinda.

 

What I'd Give to be "Normal"

Some of you are aware that we have been undergoing a 3rd IVF cycle over the past several weeks.  We've been a tad "quieter" about it, as we wanted to see how we would handle things...  Our cycle started on January 6 and ended today.  It was totally different, and required 7 weeks of drugs (not including months on birth control pills, high dose Folic acid, aspirin, and prescription prenatal vitamins).

On January 6, we signed the usual 20+ forms and legal paperwork.  Our medications were shipped ($2400 worth, which was actually cheaper than we had planned for thanks to some help with insurance) and arrived on January 13.  The injection protocol began on January 16 and ended on February 28.  It included 3-4 shots per day.  To say that the cycle was aggressive was an understatement. 

In total, this one round included 103 injections/blood draws, 4 ultrasounds, 1 procedure under anesthetic, and 1 embryo transfer.  My abdomen and hips resemble a war zone and will take a few weeks to return to a normal color.  I believe we made 8 trips to Nashville as well, though it feels like so many more!

On February 19, we transferred 3 perfect Grade A embryos.  It was my sister's 32nd birthday and the due date (if we had twins) would have been October 17.  This happens to be Adam's upcoming 40th and my Mom's upcoming 60th.  Seemed like great signs!  We thought that with the new year, a new protocol, a great lining, great labs, beautiful embryos, and perfect dates...we were certain to succeed!

While we've pretty much known since Tuesday, today was the official beta HCG test.  Sadly, the result was 0...literally.  It's heart-breaking for sure.  To add icing to the cake, we've seen 2 pregnancy announcements, 2 birth announcements, tons of photos of other peoples' babies, and countless comments and complaints from/about pregnant women...all since Tuesday.  I am even the only "failure" on my entire infertility forum this cycle...talk about being at the bottom!

I know nothing in life is guarenteed, even when everything is practically perfect.  This cycle is certainly proof of this!  We did manage to freeze 9 embryos this round, though feel that 3 of them may not be as healthy as we would like.  Despite being heart-broken, I suspect we'll try again in June and hope for the best. 

It's amazing how unfair life is.  We paid over $75k in taxes this year to support unemployed women having as many babies as they want.  We provide them free everything (carseats, formula, coupons, healthcare, food stamps,etc).  Sadly, Adam and I get to support these women AND have had the additional "privilege" of spending thousands of dollars just to try have a baby!  

For those who get pregnant without all of this, be VERY thankful.  You can't start to imagine how miserable this process is for couples like Adam and I.  There are no "easy" fixes or answers, and we are a serious challenge for any infertility clinic. 
The whole process just seems so unfair...I guess life is.

Our Muddy Adventure to Machine Falls

Today was a beautiful day!  The sky was clear and the temperature was expected to stay in the high 40s to low 50s.  Since we don't get many winter days this nice (especially when I'm not on call), we decided to find ourselves a local hike.  After some web-searching last night, I found an area about 30 miles from our home called the Short Springs Natural Area.  This area has several trails, one "big" waterfall, and another good-sized cascade.  After a light lunch at Sonic, we hit the trail at around 1.  We decided to hike to Machine Falls, which was a "moderate to strenuous" 1.5 mile hike...plus about a tenth more to actually get to the falls.

We set out on the trail, which began as a very easy wooded trail.  Once we got within earshot of the falls, this quickly changed!  The trail descended VERY steeply down to the creek....like some steps "down" were over 2 feet!  Once we got the the creek, here's what we found... (Basically the trail ended...but the sign said the falls were 100 yards to the right.  It just didn't say how you were supposed to get to them!)

Here's Adam at the trail's end!  We decided to try to take the hillside, since the water was about 8" deep and we didn't want to hike with cold, wet feet.  So, here's what we faced...

Yes...it was super steep...and slick under the leaves as well!  When we rounded this hillside (winded, muddy, and thankful for our safety), here's what we saw...

  The falls were really spectacular!  They are 60 feet tall and 60 feet wide...and full of water!  The photos just don't do justice to the sounds and beauty of the falls.  The water was dripping off of these green mossy rocks, creating an almost fairy-tale like image.  We took several photos, and then I wandered down the hill to the base of the falls (or technically about 4 feet up, as I didn't get into the water at the base).

Wandering down the hill really wasn't my brightest idea ever...though I was hoping to walk back to the main trail along the opposite side of the creek (to avoid climbing that steep slippery hill again).  I went down, using both my feet as well as my butt.  (Yes, it WAS that steep!)  Sadly, I made it to the lowest rock and discovered that I had about a 4 foot drop to the creek bed.  Unfortunately, the rock below was covered in moss and algae and I KNEW it was slick.  There was no good place to get footing (and I wasn't feeling like injuring myself on asprin therapy), so I was forced to climb back up.  Before heading up, I took these...

This next one is sideways (stupid Blogger won't orient it properly), but it shows just how steep the hill was.  see Adam at the top???

I then climbed back up to where Adam was (this was challenging and resulted in a bruised right knee) and we finished the trail.  Overall, it was a wonderful short hike with some good challenges!  My jeans didn't make out very well (as you can see below), but Adam posed just to prove that he came out "clean!"

Nothing like a good Saturday adventure!!!  Because I was so dirty, we came home and changed clothes.  We then went to Murfreesboro for dinner and a tad of shopping.  Overall, it was a perfect day together!!!

Merry Christmas (a little late) and Happy New Year!

Last night, we got home from a wonderful week with family.  Since Grandaddy passed away this year, we did not have our traditional Christmas obligations.  As sad as it was to be "deviating" from our usual Christmas routine, it was nice to have something to look forward to.  This year, we decided to spend Christmas on the beach!  We booked a 3 bedroom condo on Cinnamon Beach in Palm Coast, Florida.  Adam, Mom, Dad, Leslee, Joey, Job, Adeline, Trey, and I all checked in on Friday night and enjoyed a week full of playing, eating great food, a few drinks, and wonderful times together!  The beach was beautiful and our condo had beautiful views of the sunset (facing the lake) every evening.

The week also afforded Adam and I the opportunity to visit some of our closest friends and some new friends, who happen to live in Jacksonville.  We spent 2 days visiting with everyone in Jacksonville and loved every minute of these times together!  Though we enjoy Tennessee, most of our friends are still in Jacksonville (except for a few)...so the visits were wonderfully refreshing for us!  We also visited Grandmother in Moultrie on the way home, and we visited Grandaddy's grave site.  Obviously, it was sad...but well worth the "detour."

We are now glad to be home.  Adam will stay up tonight, eat pickled herring, and toast to a glass of sparkling wine.  For me, I'll be barely awake, will eat the tiniest bite of herring possible to still "count," and avoid the alcohol because I'm on call!  (Maybe a sip at most...)  Tomorrow, we'll eat greens and black-eyed peas (for money and good luck) with Mom and Dad.

For me, New Years is not anything special.  This is probably because I've been on call for 7 of the last 9 of them!  Guess that takes away the "celebrating!"  I guess for many though, New Years symbolizes fresh starts and hope.  I don't have much in the way of resolutions, as this year has taught me that most of what I desire can't be given or earned.  Frankly, this year has taught me two things...one is that really, there are many things that none of us can control in life.  The second lesson that 2011 has taught me is that sometimes, we really can only handle one day at a time and have to often get by on a day-to-day basis.  I've certainly had these reality checks this year! 

2011 has been full of losses for us.  Grandaddy's death was by far the greatest loss for our entire family.  Our infertility and realizing that a "natural" pregnancy was impossible for us has been the second loss.  Between the two, it's been hard to see any light at the end of the tunnel.  2012 is predicted by many (including Adam) to be a "better" year.  While it's hard for me to believe it, I sure hope the "many" are right!  For me 2012 is another year...just another calendar date to get used to writing.  I'd love for it to be the year we have our first child...but time will tell on this matter.

For those who love New Years, Happy New Year!  For those of us, like me, who just see a change in numbers tomorrow, best wishes that 2012 surprises us with its good fortunes!  God bless you all in 2012!

I'd Give Us a "D!"

Jenny Wren...this is for you!

Most of you know me...and you know that I NEVER fail!  Until this year, I have rarely failed anything (maybe one test here and there...but NOT a normal occurrence).  2011 has totally changed that!  This year, I've failed several things...though none were within my control.  If compliance guarenteed an "A," I would have made all "A+'s!"

Today, we went to Nashville for our last appointment of the year.  As the ultrasound tech measured our lining, I noticed that the numbers were NOT 7mm.  She sincerely made every possible effort to find a 7mm lining, but it simply wasn't there. The best thickness she could find was 6.6mm (goal was 8mm). Obviously, I was REALLY worried and bordering on upset...though knew that until the blood work returned that there would be no "plan."  Anita decided that since we were not sure which way things were going to go, she would just send me home with the Progesterone in Olive Oil bottle...rather than just giving me the injection. I could tell that she was a bit worried as well, though she was definitely trying to find a way for us to still be ready in February! (I could see her "calculating" dates in her head...)  As usual, she promised to call me as soon as she talked to Dr. V...who couldn't make a decision without the results of the labs.

At 4:12pm, Anita called me.  She was quite bubbly and told me that both of us were worried about nothing!  Though he didn't communicate it with the two of us (or anyone else), he never planned to get our lining to 8mm.  Because of my clotting issues, being obese, and the fact that this was a trial run, he intentionally kept the estrogen doses and levels low.  His goal was to see endometrial growth and elevating blood estradiol levels...not full maturation.  He was actually pleased with the cycle and feels very confident that we will easily hit 8-9mm on the "real" cycle!  So, after a nail-biting day...we are relieved!

Overall, I'd say we "Passed" the mock cycle...but with a "D" grade.  At this point, I'll take it!

Tonight is officially my last "stick" of the year!!!  Injecting olive oil into my hip weirds me out a little (and causes a nice pink goose-egg), but I am VERY happy that we are done!  February, here we come!!!

My Last Days as a 2011 Human Pin Cushion!!!

Wish he was smiling!

Since Wednesday is my last day to go to Nashville (hopefully until 2012), I figured I'd begin to "celebrate" the fact that I'm about to have a break from injections and blood draws!  From this moment, I am hoping I'm down to just 4 more "sticks!" (1 blood draw, 2 Delestrogen injections, and 1 Progesterone injection)  Assuming things look good, I believe that I'll be done until 2012!
(Well...I still need a flu shot, but I'm not counting it!)
One day last week (while reading a whiney post on Facebook about pregnancy), I decided to total up all of the "sticks" that I've had this year.  Overall, here's the (minimum) breakdown:
49 Lupron
44 Lovenox
18 Repronex (often at maximum doses of 6 amps)
2 HCGs
26 Progesterone In Oil (sometimes with Delestrogen)
15 Delestrogen (not counting PIO)
3 Demerol/Phenergan Combos
1 Toradol
35 Blood Draws (Countless tubes)

TOTAL:  193 (+19 "Sticks" Under Anesthesia for Egg Retrieval)


Needless to say, I've paid a HUGE price in hopes of getting pregnant at some point!  I can't even count the number of ultrasounds and other procedures I've had this year, but trust me...more than most women have throughout all of their reproductive years! 
For many of my infertile friends, these numbers are nothing!  Several of you have endured MANY more!  For my fertile friends, this is just another example of how truly blessed you are!  To be honest, we still have many more to go before we get pregnant...and will have 2-3 per day during our entire pregnancy when/if it happens!  Perhaps our greatest prize is the fact that we also get weekly ultrasoundsfor the first 14 or so weeks of pregnancy (one advantage, I guess)!
Today, our Nashville visit went well.  Our bloodwork looked really good and my endometrial lining is 7.1mm with some "layering." By Wednesday, we need it to be 8mm (though 9mm would be better) and with a true triple layer.  In theory, this should be easily accomplished.  IF we "pass" (though keep our history of failure in mind), we are officially cleared to cycle in February and could even be pregnant by March.  I can't tell you how wonderful this would be!
Have a great week everyone! (And for those who asked...I deleted the "gross" pictures from my phone...Maybe next time...)